Unexpected Changes
by Siriusly Serious
Summary: Sirius Black screws up a potion in class, and is accidently transformed into... A girl! Wackiness follows, not to mention numerous relationships. Rated for language, and future slash. Based in MWPP's sixth year. Title pending.... v.v'
1. The Mistake

'Changes'; a fan fic by Siriusly Serious

Summary: Sirius Black screws up a potion in class, and is accidentally transformed into... A girl?! Wackiness follows, not to mention numerous relationships. Rated for language, and future slash. Based in MWPP's sixth year. Title pending.... v.v'

...

_Fuck..._

Sirius thought idly, scratching his head in confusion at the fuming potion before him, a hopeless whimper escaping his pouting lips. He licked his lips, sneaking a glance to his right where Remus and James sat, stirring their own noxious fumes-free potions, which drew a scowl across his face. His best mates who, in his opinion, should have potions skills equivalent to his, seemed to be pulling off their latest concoction off fairly well. Hell, even Wormtail had a better grasp on what was going on then he did.

He sighed dejectedly, reading over the notes he had taken down in class. It wasn't his fault he had been distracted in the middle of Professor Garmund's lecture on the properties of the Polyjuice potion, honestly... That Colier chick to the left of him had been wearing a shorter skirt then usual, then Trixie and 'Cissa had taken it upon themselves to toss paper balls at the back of his head until he had snapped and chucked a rat spleen their way, and lost a horrendous amount of points from his House.

_Probably why no one will help me, ruddy bastards._ Sirius grumbled, glaring pointedly at his 'friends,' with a fleeting hope that one of them would trip, fall into his cauldron and drown. He chuckled darkly at the thought, and tossed a couple more ingredients into the potion. He was doomed one way or the other, so he figured why not go out of class with a bang? The gooey gray substance in his cauldron that smelled suspiciously of dead fish spluttered once, and turned a blinding shade of violet that made Sirius cringe. _Yep, I'm fucking screwed._

...

"Time's up. I said time is up, Miss Vance." Garmund glowered, her voice sounding like someone with a bad sinus infection. "For those of you who haven't made a wreck of you're potions," The woman sneered, eyes fixed on Sirius' pathetic attempt. "...You will be moving on to the properties of Veritaserum. The rest of you will be granted the privilege of testing your potion in front of your peers next class. Hopefully spending a week in the hospital wing will encourage you to pay attention in class from now on." She said with a malicious glint in her eyes which caused several shivers from the class. "Dismissed." 

Sirius' shoulders slumped in misery and jammed a vial into the 'wreck of a potion,' dropped it on the professor's desk and stormed off. Once he was safely inside the common room, he took out his pent up rage on a nearby desk, kicking it several times before it occured to him what a stupid idea that had been. He cursed and limped over a chair, glaring at a pair of first year chicks who looked like they were about to faint.

They scampered away quickly, leaving Padfoot alone in his misery. This really had turned out to be one botched up day, and he doubted it could get much worse.

...

Author's Notes: Well, that's it for now. I've seriously always wanted to do this fic, no idea why though. Anyway, I'll update some time later on this week. R&R, people! Karma is good for the soul.

S.S.


	2. I've Got A Plan

Unexpected Changes; a fan fic by Siriusly Serious

Summary: Sirius Black screws up a potion in class, and is accidentally transformed into... A girl?! Wackiness follows, not to mention numerous relationships. Rated for language, and future slash. Based in MWPP's sixth year.

Disclaimer: Since I forgot this in first chappie, here it goes... I don't own any of JK Rowling's characters, no matter how much I wish I did because then I'd have Sirius locked up in my basement in a nice wittle dog collar. Yes, I am fully aware that I'm a pervert, ty very much, now on with the fic!

...

Chapter 2

Soon after Sirius' little temper tantrum, the other three Marauders trudged in. "Hey mate," James greeted pleasantly; apparently he had forgotten what had transpired in Potions. Sirius only snorted in reply, and James couldn't help the blink of confusion that was followed by a reproachful frown. "Merlin, what crawled up your arse and died?" James grumbled.

"Oh, I dunno... Maybe that potion I made in class today? After all, none of my friends would bother helping me." He glared, growling when Peter asked how a potion could crawl up someone's rear.

James just shrugged. "It was your own fault," Came the quiet, yet logical voice of Remus, who was busying himself with his Transfiguration work. "If you had bothered to pay attention in class instead of trying to stare up Alexis' skirt and snapping at your cousins you might not have made a mess of your work."

Sirius scowled over at Remus, though the boy did have a point. Not that he would ever admit it. Still, it didn't brighten his mood at all. "I do think it was kinda cruel of her to say you have to drink it though... Maybe she was joking?" James asked, sounding somewhat guilty for ignoring his friend's pleas for help.

"That woman doesn't know how to smile, let alone joke." He grumbled darkly. James pouted slightly; feeling guiltier than earlier while Remus just frowned at a piece of parchment, and Peter just stared at the pair of them with a blank expression on his face. _Worthless gits, don't even know when a bloke is feeling down._

James finally broke the silence. "I've got a plan that'll cheer you up, mate." He said triumphantly, a look in his eyes that dared Sirius to say otherwise. He snorted again, but James didn't appear to have heard him, since he was zooming up the staircase that led to the boy's dorm.

"Wonder what he's up to..." Remus said idly, his eyes still glued to his paper as he scratched out a line. Sirius rolled his eyes, thinking that nothing he could be up to in the dorm would make up for his earlier transgression when James came running back down the stairs, a paper bag in one hand. With the other he grabbed Sirius by the forearm and started tugging him towards the potrait hole, not waiting for the others to follow. "Come on you idiot, I saw Snape in the library earlier. If we hurry we can still catch him!"

Sirius blinked, looking suspiciously at the bag as he followed after him. He could've sworn he heard it buzzing when he recalled something James had said a week ago.

"_I snagged a couple of the buggers in Care of Magical Creatures." He had said, showing him a small insect that looked like a bee with a stinger that was at least half its body length, and was a shocking electric blue. It had been petrified, which he was glad of. He didn't fancy getting stung. "They're called Billywigs, from Australia I think. Anyway, you should see what these things do when they sting ya, its awesome..." He said, trailing off when he heard the sound feet walking up the stairs. He grabbed the bug and shoved it into a bag just when Moony walked in._

A wicked grin formed on Sirius' face as he hurried to keep up with James. This was going to be an excellent way to let out his frustration.

...

Author's Notes: Ack, sorry it took so long to update. I've been busy with another story, actually. I'm working on it with a friend, and we've got the first chappie done already but I'm not putting it up until we've gotten a little further along. It'll appeal to any of you Sirius/Severus fans out there, though.

Anyway, next chapter will have Sirius and James attacking Sev in the library, and such. Sirius won't be turning into a chick until at least chapter four, sorry. But this'll be important in the story, so don't worry. I'm not just going off on a whim and rambling, though it is wicked tempting...

Vicky: Thanks hun. Mucho inspirational! )

Hannah: Yay! Thanks for the review! And I hope this is long enough for you, and if not... Die, or something. Eh, I know, my spelling sucks ass... Thank you who ever invented Microsftword! Lmao, I know! James' mom is a royal bitch, but so funny.

Sirius Fan: Thanks! Heh, I always thought I was pretty crappy at writing, but then again... What do I know? / Eh, I know that they were wicked smart and stuff, but no one's great at everything...Right? Plus I've always thought most Gryffindors were rubbish at Potions. Call me biest, I guess. I also wanted Sirius to mess it up on his own, I couldn't think of a way to do this right if someone had just slipped the potion in his drink. Ah well...


	3. Deal With the Devil

Unexpected Changes; a fan fic by Siriusly Serious

Summary: Sirius Black screws up a potion in class, and is accidentally transformed into... A girl?! Wackiness follows, not to mention numerous relationships. Rated for language, and future slash. Based in MWPP's sixth year.

* * *

Chapter 3

Sirius and James strolled along the corridor until the reached the doors of the library, slipping inside as well as the two most popular boys in school could. "There he is." James said, nudging Sirius in the ribs and pulling him behind a shelf to go over 'the plan.'

"You remember what these things do, yeah?" He asked, shaking the bag, which started to make angry buzzing noises. Sirius nodded his voice low. "'Course I do, you get 'em right pissed and they'll sting you. Then they make you float." James shook his head. "That's only half of it. Whatever they inject in you is a kind of mood lifter. Basically you're as loopy as that Greta Catchlove bird." He explained, Sirius grinning like the Cheshire cat. "So what's the plan?"

"The usual," Prongs replied. "You distract him, get his back to me or whatever, then I give this bag another shake and they do the rest." Sirius frowned. "Why don't you go out there and distract Snivelly? The bugger has been eyeing you since first year." James narrowed his eyes at the comment. "He _does not_, and you agreed to do this so go." He insisted, folding his arms over his chest, making him look a lot like a grumpy professor. Sirius merely rolled his eyes. "Whatever. He'd rather be eyeing you than me any day and you know it." He grumbled, blinking stupidly when James whacked him over the head with the bag. He scowled at him, and started toward the table, making a mental note to 'accidentally' bite Prongs on the next full moon.

* * *

"Snape." Sirius greeted, standing behind the vampiric boy, trying not to stare at the greasy hair that looked like something that looked like it had just crawled out of a swamp. Snape tensed over the book he was reading, turning around to look at him, a cautious yet calm look about him. Sirius noted that the boy's hand was already in his pocket, looking for his wand. "Relax, you git. If I was here to curse you I'd have done it already."

"Somehow I doubt that, Black." He sneered, eyeing him suspiciously. "What do you want?"

Sirius paused, really unsure what to say. He hadn't thought this out very well, that was quite obvious. _Make something up before he figures it out!_ "...I need your help." He said, reluctant to say the vile words, even if it was a lie. This faked confession earned him a raised eyebrow. "Really?" Snape smirked deviously; finding it highly amusing that one fourth of the Marauders was coming to him for assistance. "What possibly with?"

He grit his teeth together, hands balled up in his pocket to resist the urge of punching the bastard in his big nose. "...Potions." He mumbled, glaring at the boy before him who seemed to be really enjoying himself. _James, you little prick, you'd better hurry the fucking hell up or I swear I'll kill him._ "Potions. Would you care to elaborate why it is you expect me to help you?" Snape asked, that smirk still plastered to his face.

"I don't, actually. McGonagall told me I need to get my act together, something about my future being important and that if I want my dream job I need to pass potions." He scowled; amazed that lying was suddenly becoming so easy. "Anyway, she told me to track your arse down and ask you for help. Though I can see it's been a complete waste of my ruddy time." He grumbled, wondering why a group of little blue bugs hadn't come flying around the bookshelf to sting the Slytherin yet. _He ditched me, that little..._

"I never said I wouldn't help you." Snape interrupted his thoughts, and left Sirius looking flabbergast. "Though don't expect our study sessions...to be without their price." Sirius felt his stomach churn at the look Severus was giving him, hoping whatever he had in mind wasn't going to be too painful. "What do you want?"

"We'll discuss my payment after your first lesson." Snape answered, pushing his chair back and reaching for the book on the table. "Tomorrow after dinner, I'll meet you at the foot of the stairs." _The dungeons?_ _Oh, fuck no!_ "Why there? Call me crazy, Snape, but I don't exactly like the idea of following you into a cold, damp maze where your house mates thrive. Probably the whole 'I hate you, and don't trust you' complex." Snape sneered at him, picking up the book that he tucked under his arm. "Your choice, Black. I'm not doing this on anyone else's terms but mine."

"Fine, whatever. Until tomorrow, you greasy git." He grumbled, turning and heading out of the library, but not without checking James' hiding spot. _Prick._ He thought, seething as he kicked the doors open and headed toward the Gryffindor common room. "That bastard is dead."

* * *

Notes: Hope that's long enough for you, 'cause my brain feels like mush. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, that damn procrastinator side of me wins every time. Well, read, and leave me loads of pretty little reviews to read.   
Till next update,   
S.S. 


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